he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
