this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
