I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
should my penis look like a turkey
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
