Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
