As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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