lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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