i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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