I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
