I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize