I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You were trust falling into bushes
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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