I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
