If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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