I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
