i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
