can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
