she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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