shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
