Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
