just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
