How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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