I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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