Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
