easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
