Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
this just has baby written all over it
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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