Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
