So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
