She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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