this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
