I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
