i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
