Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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