respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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