i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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