just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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