i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This house was built for laser tag.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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