sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
