Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
