I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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