I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
