you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
