I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
