Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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