why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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