i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You took a bar mat shot.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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