who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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