i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
