y did u give ur computer a hand job?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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