I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
