If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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