On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
