i already hear my dad disowning me
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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