If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
