Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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