I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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