I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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