Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
