Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
