I seem to have left my pride at pride
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
