There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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