I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
