More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
