you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
