but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I love you.
Bad choice
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
