Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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