he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
