I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
