God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
