fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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