i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
